when others 'hurt' us

dance of joy · Post by **dance of joy** » March 7, 2007, 4:44 am

Hmmm....

It occurred to me this morning that the only way someone else can hurt us with words is if we take what they say personally, if we believe what they are saying over what we know to be true.

Love,

Christine

Ames0325 · Post by **Ames0325** » March 7, 2007, 2:37 pm

This is absolutely true, dear Christine. Your words remind me of a couple of my favorite quotes:

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. --Eleanor Roosevelt

It is a fool who takes offense when none is intended and a bigger fool who takes it when it was. --Brigham Young

Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are.

I think what it al boils down to is this: no one else can control who I am, what I do or how I feel. So it is up to each of us whether we'll be upset, miserable, angry or whatever. I don't think any of us will ever be pleased to hear rude or hurtful things but they don't have to affect how we feel about ourselves.

Love,
Amy

dance of joy · Post by **dance of joy** » March 7, 2007, 6:34 pm

Well said, Amy.

Love,

Christine

Pollie · Post by **Pollie** » March 7, 2007, 9:25 pm

Love your quotes Amy.

I think sometimes we get hurt from others when we are blindsided even when we are confident, secure and strong. Hurt is a natural feeling it is we do with it that matters. If we are strong and condfident and secure we feel the hurt think through the words use what we can to make us better and move on. If not we feel hurt for along time.

I like how things occurr to you Christine

Pollie

jopallon · Post by **jopallon** » March 7, 2007, 9:44 pm

Hi,

Upon reading your messages, I was prompted to join your forum. I am just envious of you guys. I wish I can believe in myself the way you do. I usually get down and really depressed when other people say hurtful things about me.

Right now, I just joined an organization and I just can't seem to find a single soul who wants to befriend me. It's been 2 months now but still, everybody just passes by my office without a smile or even a glance. What's worse, I can sense that they're talking about me behind my back. In response, I just keep my head down and stay in my desk, all alone. I keep on wondering why I'm having such a difficult time amidst my constant prayer to God for friendship. I just wish I could be like you.....

Lion~* · Post by Lion~* » March 7, 2007, 10:25 pm

Dear Jopallon, You just made a very wise choice in joining the Peak... because you just became 'one of us'

You have entered a community of acceptance and grand encouragement to blossom into the potential that lurks within each of us! To be authentically you is something everyone deserves! And your prayer for friendship... I have no doubt will be fulfilled... because here we listen, respect and honor who each other is. We can hold differing opinions and see that this is healthy. Who wants to be clone heads?

I would like to extend to you one piece of encouragement...

I wish I can believe in myself the way you do. I usually get down and really depressed when other people say hurtful things about me. Right now, I just joined an organization and I just can't seem to find a single soul who wants to befriend me. It's been 2 months now but still, everybody just passes by my office without a smile or even a glance. What's worse, I can sense that they're talking about me behind my back. In response, I just keep my head down and stay in my desk, all alone.

It takes courage Jopallon, but we all have it in us even if it is covered up by a painful ache... Be of courage and lift up your head! Instead of looking for someone to befriend you... look to befriend those you work with. Every person you pass... glance... smile... give a compliment ( Lovely sweater! Your hair looks fabulous today! Love the photo of your family! Great plant!) anything to make another person feel special. Forget yourself and extend your heart to others... they may actually feel just as unappreciated and invisible! Soon, you won't be! The very best way to have friends... is to be friendly yourself. So head up

Big smile

cheery "Hello! " "Beautiful day isn't it?!

" Let them talk about this great new person who has emerged from behind the desk

And the day came
when the risk it took
to remain tight inside the bud
was more painful
than the risk it took to blossom.

Anais Nin

You have great courage! Look how vulnerably honest you have been with us here! I am very proud of you and most certainly glad to meet you!

Love Lion~*IfYouTakeOneStepYouWillFindYourselfCloserToOthersPaw

Lion~* · Post by Lion~* » March 7, 2007, 10:45 pm

Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are.

Thanks Amy!

Great wisdom to instill into our own choice!
I do live this. I discovered back in Highschool that if you pretend nothing has happened... you extinguish the sharp barbs of those who do speak harsh rudeness... in fact it drives them crazy for you to not " take their bait!" They have nothing more to do because as far as they can tell...you are unaffected by their misbehavior!

Being blindsided by someone is difficult. Been there sadly! I have had the emotional concussions to prove it! But again... I never let it overwhelm me... I sought the wisdom to deal with it well. I cannot say it doesn't hurt me when someone is hurtful to me. I have been very deeply hurt... and I hope that in my attempt to deal with those cases to the best of my broken heartedness... that I have become more compassionate and capable of being there for others when they just don't know what to do!

sigh

Love Lion~*RiseAboveTheStormOfAnotherAndYou
WillFindGreatDignityAndRespectForYourSelfPaw

realheartdoodles · Post by **realheartdoodles** » March 8, 2007, 6:53 am

hi jopallion ... it's so nice to see a "kababayan" (fellow Filipino) here ...

. hello too to the other "travellers" ... your posts are indeed so inspiring, heartwarming and so honest. i love reading them!

i can imagine how uncomfortable your situation is in your workplace ... your work is hard enough (i should know because my husband is in the same field) and it even gets tougher working while receiving such cold treatment from people whom you should be working with as a team. it may affect job performance negatively and i hope it has not gone that worse for you.

i dunno if i'll be credible since i never had an experience working in a corporate setting, but i've heard or witnessed such situations in other settings -- like in school, in the neighborhood and other organizations. i think the common denominator there is unacceptance, that is, those who mistreat others that way just refuse to accept them for who they are and so they try desperately to shut them out from everything. can you imagine the effort they have to waste just to do that? the burden isn't really with you my dear ...

just continue working with them the way you should ... be sincere, cooperate with them and give the respect due them. show no bitterness, letting them feel that it's you who accept them and their flaws. outshine them with your goodness and kindness, expecting nothing in return! just put it in your heart that yours is the understanding that is overflowing.

i wish you better days ahead ....

len

dance of joy · Post by **dance of joy** » March 8, 2007, 6:56 am

Dear Jopallon,

I too am glad that you have joined us at the Peak.

Just an idea.... why not try to 'act as if' each morning when you walk into the office. Act as if you are a loving and interesting person that people will want to know (which you are!!), and see how others respond. Chances are they are picking up on your self-image and responding to THAT rather than to what you truly are, which is a worthy, interesting fellow human being.

Love,

Christine

yahu! · Post by **yahu!** » March 8, 2007, 12:40 pm

Jopallon,

Know that only great people are misunderstood. I must assume based on your statement that you must be envied in some way or another. Sometimes, no matter how polite or amiable we are to others, the indifference is still felt and that's because of insecurity of some people. I suggest that you don't try hard making friends, it'll frustrate you in the end, because you won't be able to distinguish the true and right from the false and wrong ones as your focus is on pleasing everyone else.

Remain quiet in the meantime and enjoy it and from there, you'll be able to see who is reserving judgment on you and those who keep on commenting/judging about you.

Peace in your heart.

Yahu.

when others 'hurt' us

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