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"I wish I had been . . ."

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fredcowie
Beautiful Soul
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Joined: May 19, 2008, 1:43 pm
Location: Montana
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Post by fredcowie » September 11, 2010, 6:29 am

With no regrets about my twenty six plus years with my son Christian, I wrote this with no intentions of sending it, but maybe there is someone out there that needs to hear this:



Frederick J. Cowie, Ph.D.
Keynote Addresses—Training Sessions
Fredcowie@aol.com 406-431-3531 fredcowie.com

“I wish I had been more . . .”
© 2010 Frederick J. Cowie, Ph.D.

What would you say on your deathbed or at the side of the deathbed of a loved one? “I wish I had been more . . . .” More what? C’mon, fess up! If you don’t want to feel guilty the rest of your life when someone dies or when you are dying or being cared for because you are receiving 24/7 nursing care, you better decide what you need to be more of—like loving, caring, attentive, human—and start doing it today, now, right now!
We all feel guilty for our past thoughtless transgressions, our sins of omissions, our bitch or bastard moments, but we can change all that and begin anew, today, right now, and “from this day forward” be a thinking and thoughtful adult. But we can’t do it without a plan, without a list of steps we will take today to change, for change is hard—not bad, just painful, just hard. But we can do it, you and I, for we have to. We have one more chance, right now—and maybe only this one more chance. We can make the commitment, make the plan, make the list of steps to take and say “I will be . . . .” rather than “I wish I had been more . . . .”

With a guiltless smile I wrote this a while back and I send it on, thinking maybe someone out there needs to read it:
Frederick J. Cowie, Ph.D. Please visit my website at fredcowie.com, my FACEBOOK(/fredcowie) page where I post my writings and my paintings every day. Peace!

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Liebestraum
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Post by Liebestraum » September 12, 2010, 5:50 am

Dear Fred,
thank you for sharing your wisdom and awareness of what's important.
It did happen in my life that I said those words "I wish I had been more ....". Mostly more patient and loving, more caring ... yes.

How true it is that we all have our bitch and bastard days, though it is not so easy to admit it!

What you say is thought provoking and it induces most certainly everyone who reads to examine their own behaviour.

Thank you so much.
Love,
Margherita
Love is the One who masters all things;
I am mastered totally by Love.
(Rumi)

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fredcowie
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Posts: 465
Joined: May 19, 2008, 1:43 pm
Location: Montana
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Post by fredcowie » September 12, 2010, 6:15 am

We all have slips and falls, but they are not important if we immediately say we're sorry and they are intermittent and well spaced. But when arrogance or self-righteousness makes us better or holier or smarter in our own minds, then apologies don't come and only at the end--the other person's or ours--do we realize we didn't try hard enough, long enough, well enough. I am so glad I spent the last years growing enough to miss my son, but not feeling guilty about anything, but proud of him and proud of me too. Now, however, there is the need to grow far, far more, for new challenges and horizons loom large, as my relationships with son Jonathan and wife Cecilia enter into a new era. It is hard, very hard, to change again....and again. But if I try to live now with last year's skills, I will fail, for I need to grow and learn how to be a new spouse, a new father, a new me in a brave new world without Christian. I miss him, as my tears now show, but to live in the past is to die. Today I will paint watercolors to replace the ones I sold these past two weeks, honing my skills, moving on. Until it my turn to lie in bed, as Christian did, and say: "I can't tell if I'm breathing." and go to sleep for the last time.
Frederick J. Cowie, Ph.D. Please visit my website at fredcowie.com, my FACEBOOK(/fredcowie) page where I post my writings and my paintings every day. Peace!

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Lion~*
Everything In Moderation
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Post by Lion~* » September 12, 2010, 7:06 pm

I truly appreciate all you've written and what it provokes in me and will in others. I came very close this Spring to no longer being here when surgery went extremely wrong. I had only rushing nurses standing by my bedside. I used to beat myself up for * not being enough*... Yup! I too have had my own bitch-fest moments... but I will tell anyone... I know without a doubt to the depths of my soul... I have loved with ALL I am. Some will baulk and gasp with sputters of disbelief... I couldn't careless!!! I KNOW that I have loved deeply and truly in all conditions. My rough moments cannot ever subtract one iota from the bounty of love I have given and give still. I have never stopped loving though expressions and communications alter at times and sometimes have to turn inward and keep safe harbor in the cavern of my soul.


My last carnal breath's hope is " Know my love! Feel it! Don't ever doubt it! My love cannot lie!"

Thanks Fred for your heart's sharing!


Nothing can seperate the love you hold within yourself.... no matter what may seperate you from other souls you love. Janice~*

Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart...William Wordsworth

Follow your honest convictions, and stay strong. - William Thackeray

The bottom line, especially for my character,
is the issue of unconditional love.”
Matthew Weeden

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