Welcome to our newly upgraded forum! it may look a little different, but hopefully you'll find it easy to navigate and enjoyable to use. There are a number of new features - so please feel free to experiment.

If you've had difficulty registering in the past, please try again, as the new software addresses most of of our registration issues. If you have any questions, please send us an email and we'll investigate.

What Would You Do, If You Were Me?

This is an open forum - a friendly place to meet other great spirits and discuss whatever's on your mind.
User avatar
social butterfly
Beautiful Soul
Posts: 154
Joined: May 14, 2007, 11:12 pm
Location: chicago, il
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Post by social butterfly » January 15, 2008, 10:15 am

Well i had a long talk with my old love and we talked about everything that went on between us. from rumors, to the game playing he did, to the real reason he walked away. In my faith we cant casually date, we have to date with the view of marriage. he said the reason he left because he wanted to make sure that he truly wanted to be with me, he had some feeling for another girl so he left me, to give it a try with her. it didnt work out so he came back to me. i told him i feel like 2nd best because he chose her over me and if it had worked hed still be with her right now. he said he was sorry, and that he never really pursued her because he had strong feelings for me, but it doesnt add up to me. now hes asking my forgiveness and to give our relationship another try. but he did alot of hurtful things. now hes trying so hard to show me how much he loves me, trying to prove that were made for each other, but im not wholeheartedly convinced. now hes where i was a year ago and im in his postion. i dont want to hurt him out of spite,or to show him how i felt back then. part of me wants to give it another try, because of our connection, but the other part of me says run and dont look back. what would you do if you were me? ???

Social Butterfly luv

User avatar
Mammy
Beautiful Soul
Posts: 225
Joined: July 27, 2007, 11:20 am
Location: Galway, Ireland
Contact:

Post by Mammy » January 15, 2008, 12:33 pm

What's your heart saying Social Butterfly?

Mammy x x luv

Hawkeye
Beautiful Soul
Posts: 60
Joined: January 17, 2007, 12:37 am
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Post by Hawkeye » January 15, 2008, 1:19 pm

Tell your ex to take a walk. Like, a long walk, off a short pier.

There are somewhere in the nieghborhood of 4 billion dudes on Earth. Get rid of this one quick; it's going to take you some time to sort through the rest.

Seriously, though: you're never going to be able to trust him again, and if he was off chasing other skirts once, he'll likely do it again.
Trust me: I was an old-school "playuh."

I'm a good and faithful fellow now, and if this happened when he was 22, and he's 38 now, I'd say, sure, the embers have probably died down, go for it. But if his straying was a recent (say within the last two years) event, uh-uh, no way.

He needs to go sow his wild oats, and you need to catch a cab to the next fun shindig where you can meet some other fellas.

That's just my 2 cents.

Good luck!

PS: A side note to both of you; you might want to consider that those luv hearts above the head are pointing down toward the brain below. Best trust those hearts, and defer to the brain. :D:

User avatar
summerrain
Beautiful Soul
Posts: 257
Joined: April 25, 2007, 1:55 pm
Location: las vegas
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Post by summerrain » January 15, 2008, 3:05 pm

i do agree with mammy in the idea of asking your heart that question. however i do believe that you should move on hun. if he played your heart like that, what would make him change? even though he was honest to you about his feelings for someone else, i think thats callous of him to basically say that your second fiddle. you dont deserve that, it hurts right now but let him go. in due time the right one will walk into your life.....your much too good for that. there are a billion other fish in the sea. once you release all that negativity from your life the positive will ooze out of your pores!!!!!!!! you dont have to do anything to spite him, but be honest with your self. are you really happy? does he make you more happy than sad? if you outweigh the pros & cons i do believe that you will find your answer, dont try to convince yourself 'cause thats not what love is about. but give yourself time, and only you can answer your conflicting emotions. i do believe you know the right answer, take baby steps but love yourself butterfly...if you dont no one else will.
luv wishing you love & happiness!!
Life is like a coin,
You can spend it any way you wish,
but you can spend it only once"

User avatar
social butterfly
Beautiful Soul
Posts: 154
Joined: May 14, 2007, 11:12 pm
Location: chicago, il
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Post by social butterfly » January 15, 2008, 8:02 pm

Mammy my heart says wait a moment. it feels like he has done something foolish and regrets it. when he looks at it now the choice should have been clear, but it wasn't then, what makes it clear now? that shes no longer in the picture? more importantly will i truly be happy with him? or will i always doubt his love for me? i wonder... ???

Hawkeye that's what my mind is screaming! lol! my poem i posted today tells my minds side of the story, and the decision my mind wants me to carry out, but my heart is tugging at me. it says forgive, let it go, renew, but which to listen too?? :0:

Oh summerrain i wondered that same question myself, why the change? why want me now? i asked him that very question. his reply was: i realized that i had pushed away the one woman that truly made me happy. that i threw it all away because of being afraid to commit. no one has ever made me this way, and as much as i tried to stay away my heart could never let you out. when i saw you at the last party, we hardly talked at all, and i saw all those guys around you and realized i missed out. i know one of them we'll see that your a great catch and take you, and i would never be with you again, I'd be alone.
what should i believe summerrain? that he truly has learned? or that hes just feeling a sense of loss? ???

thank you all for this, it is helping me look at things so differently! I'm a blessed soul to have friends like you! luv

Agape Love,
Social Butterfly luv

User avatar
Mammy
Beautiful Soul
Posts: 225
Joined: July 27, 2007, 11:20 am
Location: Galway, Ireland
Contact:

Post by Mammy » January 16, 2008, 6:09 am

Don't rush into anything Social Butterfly and don't let anybody push you to make a decision.
Take your time.
The right course of action will become clear.

Mammy x x x

User avatar
Morning Bear
Beautiful Soul
Posts: 590
Joined: November 6, 2007, 2:32 pm
Location: Wisconsin - USA
Contact:

Post by Morning Bear » January 17, 2008, 4:49 am

What kind of relationship do you have?
Does he know your family and do you know his?
Can he help support the lifestyle you both want?
What kind of friends does he hang around with, is he good at handling his assets (money, house, car, investments, are you good at handling yours? Do you both agree on children issues?
Has he shown any signs of hostility or rage? Is he willing to get checked for STD's so that you don't have to go through that?

You might think it's all a matter of the heart - but I'll tell you right now that all the things that you like or don't like together is what will make or break your relationship.
Flowers and poetic lines and romantic dinners simply don't cut it when real world issues need to be addressed.

Finally - he jumped the fence once already - there are no guarantees he won't do it again if pressures in life start squeezing in on him.

You need to sit down and evaluate all the important things in your life and what you want to accomplish and he needs to do the same - separate from you. If he will enable you to fulfill the external dreams of your life and if you can do the same for him - it just might work.

Things to consider:
Families, Friends, pets, children, financial needs and means, hobbies, religious beliefs, dreams and goals for job and life, communication, housing, whatever there is to bring you together or drive you apart - those are the things you have to consider very seriously.

Prayers, Blessings, and Peace,
Morning Bear
For me to believe in you doesn't require that you believe in me,...it only simply requires that you know and thus become all that you are meant to be. MB

User avatar
Look4Hope
Good Friend
Posts: 40
Joined: December 14, 2007, 3:33 pm
Location: NC/relocated Jersey girl
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Post by Look4Hope » January 18, 2008, 1:16 pm

I do not profess to be anyone who should give advise since I am working on trusting someone that also says "he is sorry".

We have 18 years invested and as for myself, whenever I went against my gut feelings it did not turn out well.

The heart may be telling you to forgive but your gut may be saying "run"!

The decision in the end will be yours. As for myself I would wonder did the other girl end it? Maybe she saw something early in their relationship and was the one to run.

Keep this in mind. Don't become the comfortable shoe he always comes home to when the pair he has on starts to pinch. Quote: Look4Hope
To thine own self be true... and let others be true to themselves.

~ A. N. Onymous

User avatar
Trebissky
Good Friend
Posts: 36
Joined: December 16, 2007, 5:48 am
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Post by Trebissky » January 19, 2008, 2:38 pm

he wanted to make sure that he truly wanted to be with me, he had some feeling for another girl so he left me, to give it a try with her. it didnt work out so he came back to me. i told him i feel like 2nd best because he chose her over me and if it had worked hed still be with her right now.
That is WRONG!

You aren't "second best". SHE is. If you were "second best" he would be with HER, not you.

Okay, maybe you aren't sure. Then for all practical purposes, start over from scratch. Don't leap into anything, expecting to come back in right where you left off. That was then.

THIS is now: "Show me" is your motto. Give him the chance TO show you, instead of just telling you.

Then make a decision based on what you're SHOWN.
SGT. JIRI TREBISSKY H&D SAS
"The mind and the sword are one.
If the mind is right, the sword is right."

User avatar
social butterfly
Beautiful Soul
Posts: 154
Joined: May 14, 2007, 11:12 pm
Location: chicago, il
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Post by social butterfly » January 23, 2008, 7:12 pm

Mammy your right i feel rushed and this is not something i want to rush into or make a quick decision on. he wants it now and it makes me wonder whats the rush?? what is behind his hasty actions?? :?

I love you Morning Bear you always hit things right on the head! these are all things Ive been looking at. I've been following the bible words on counting the cost before i just jump into something. i worry that what he did will surface again if he feels stressed or pressured. in marriage there's going to be problems and pressures, i wonder will he be strong enough to make it work, or will he run?? I come from a large family and no matter what we always stayed strong and work thru our problems, but i wonder will he be able to do that?? ???

Look4hope i love your wise words!!! i wonder what went wrong with her and why hes so determined to make this work out with us?? :?

Trebissky i feel like he wouldn't even be here right now if the situation with her would have worked. if I'm everything he wants and needs in a woman, why did he leave?? why wasn't i his first?? why did he have to test the waters with her?? what he showing me now just comes off as regret and a sense that hes missing what we had before. i don't what to think or feel about him right now, its so much i just found out that my heart cant trust him right now. ???

I wanna let you all know that i truly love you all. you have been my shoulders to cry on, and my voices of reason. words cant say how much i truly appreciate your words of wisdom and love. if you all ever need me, I'm always here for you , like you've been here for me. :D luv

Agape Love,
Social Butterfly luv

Post Reply < PreviousNext >
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/vendor/twig/twig/lib/Twig/Extension/Core.php on line 1266: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest