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Desperation

Beautiful stories written by YOU about a person or event that changed your life, gave you hope, made you dream...
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franz
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Post by franz » February 11, 2007, 1:21 am

It was 3 a.m. in a winter morning. I felt the cold numb tingles on my feet. I was listening to "Queen" to stay awake. I was in my room- studying. Yes, that's right studying! You might think that I was pulling the one night stand on my exam. Well, it's more of a 16-nights-stand. Of course I slept too - 2 hours per night and an hour of power nap during the day.

Welcome to med-student living nightmare!

I'm Pierre and I got in to medicine. You see, I have never been quite that desparate ever before. But I was.

I was half-way around the world (Indonesian studing in New Zealand). My half-hearted dream was to be a psychiatrist. I went through terrible childhood experiences( e.g.my mum walked out off the family without a reason).
My other dreams were to be a world famous Jazz singer-like Sinatra- or open a three stars Michellin Restaurant-like Gordon Ramsay. But my lesson here was, " Life is about choices". I was brilliant in all those skills but I had also learn to realize that human is a slave of time so I decide, " Psychiatry! Chef n Jazz are for next time, next life or maybe heaven".

Anyway, back to how I got in to Med. Well, it took one year and my competition was 1500 med-student wannabe; there was 150 places. These students were born with books in their hands. They wanted it bad too. The course disqualifies you if you get a B- or below in any of your subjects. It was nuts! To see if you want to do it too, visit www.otago.ac.nz

You see, I had never studied! Ever! I was happy with getting E average in 1st grade or A+ in 10th grade but I had never ever studied at home. I pratically memorized and did my homeworks in classroom. One thing for certain, my results were not stable.

Until.... University!
I wanted to... one day... to be someone! Someone that contributed to human race in a good way. So I closed my eyes and slowly, I pictured myself the ME in future. Who was I?Who would I be with? Do I drive to work? Do I live in an apartment or the suburban?
I yelled," Yes! That's me!"
I wanted my dream badly, I wanted it so bad, it was what I dream about when I dreamt at night. I was desparate.
I gave away my TV to charity, I needed more time. I was chewing books everyday. I was a freak-geek but to me it was persistence. I had to stop chasing girls :( too!
Still, my hardwork only gave me B's(a very close call) eventhough I had been extremely certain to get A+ during the tests.

10 Months went by, there were good times and were bad times. At least, I was still qualified to get in. But 800 others were also qualified. I prayed so hard, I went crazy.
I wrote a passage in my mirror," My name is Pierre and I am going to be a Psychiatrist!" That words kept me awake when I took my 2 minute breaks between my 16-nights-stand.
I also noticed, my eyes were full of bloodshots with dark rings surrounds it. My lips were dry. I lost many hairs. I lost 8lbs of weight. Beforehand, I was very fit and healthy with a belly waiting to have a sixpack :)

Day 12, I woke up. Big thumping headache! I walked into the bathroom. Then, all went black- I fainted. It was dead-black, but I saw a being. It was my face, it was me in future. I heard a voice," gggegegge....gegeggeg...Get UP! Come On 4 more days! It's Nothing!" The voice repeated three times before I had the power to pull my eyelids apart. I was OK. I was lying on the floor but I was fine. I giggled and I laughed! I was too happy. I felt stupid but I was amazed. I felt if I had died trying, what a man I was! But I had more study to do.

When Exams were over, I came back to my room. I wiped out my mirror writings. Then, my body was as light as the air when I approached my wonderful bed. It was the best sleep I ever had.

But then, I had to wait and wait and wait for a long time of two months to see if I made it. If my craze was worth it. If Mother Mary had blessed me.

That morning, I heard a noise in the front door. I ran out. It was the pretty postgirl who brought me the letter of my life. I tore it quickly but carefully...
" Dear Pierre , bla bla.... here are the places that you're accepted in...1. Bachelor of Medicine/Surgery... 2....Dentistry... bla bla bla...."
....
...
..
...
I ran to the postgal and kissed her in the cheek and I said," Thank You! You are an Angel"

I'm in!

It's not that I am a psychiatrist now, but it's an easier life now. A more sane one I guess. It's still another 12 years of study but I had passed the highest hill.

My friends, I am not suggesting you to be crazy. My lesson here is that desparation can be enjoyable in a kind of quirky way. Desparation, by "doing IT"(action), is what we need to have that-full-life. When you gave it all and you succeed, it's a blissful experience (I was smilling 24/7 for a week after I had that letter). But if you failed, you can always turn back to fate- knowing that you gave it all and you lived a full life.

Notice, I wasn't a saint to be martyred but hey! I had spent my time wisely here. I used it to feel those strong feelings that I can't explain.

Go Crazy!
Life's unique- can you enjoy it fully?
Last edited by franz on March 7, 2007, 1:45 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Maithri
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Post by Maithri » February 11, 2007, 2:55 am

My Congratulations to you Pierre,

May you be the willing and loving servant of all those who entrust their precious lives into your care.

Real Medicine is not about titles or degrees, nor is it about stethescopes and ward rounds and an endless pharmacy of pills...

The art of medicine is about learning to embody the spirit of servanthood - the spirit of kindness.

It is about consecrating our lives to the service of humanity.

In truth we are all healers. So the job of the doctor is simply to cultivate the conditions for health - and watch in humility as the ones we serve show us how miraculous this thing called life really is.

Stay passionate.

Be kind. Be tolerant and global in your thinking.

And have a wonderful career,

Maithri.
If you cant feed one hundred people. Feed one. - Mother Teresa

www.possibledreamsinternational.org

http://soaringimpulse.com

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Ron Atchison
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Post by Ron Atchison » February 11, 2007, 5:20 am

Congratulations Pierre... I very much admire your passion, dedication and, most of all, your desire to serve others.

I think you may have learned one of the most valuable lessons life has to teach us... that if we truly know what we want and are willing to pursue it with all of our heart and soul, life will gladly oblige us. (Of course, she'll teach us a few good lessons along the way!)

I have no doubt you'll be a great psychiatrist and I wish you tremendous success with your future studies. (Just don't forget to take good care of your body, mind and soul in the process! ;) )

~ Ron

dance of joy
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Location: Gatineau, Quebec, Canada
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Post by dance of joy » February 11, 2007, 5:58 am

Dear Pierre,

Welcome to the Peak! I agree with all that Maithri and Ron have said. May you be richly blessed in your career, and I know you will bless others.

The last bit you have written reminds me of a part of a poem ... 'tell me: what do you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?'

My answer is this: spend it wisely sprinkled with as much love as you can manage.

Love,

Christine ;) ;)
Wisdom tells me I am nothing.
Love tells me I am everything.
And between the two, my life flows.

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Lion~*
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Post by Lion~* » February 11, 2007, 9:37 am

Dear Pierre! GOOD FOR YOU!!!! You have done so well! Last week Ron sent out this quote of the day.


When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.

Audre Lorde


A warm welcome to you as you join our Peak family!

Love Lion~*PassionInYourDreamBringsRealityToTheScenePaw
:D:
Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart...William Wordsworth

Follow your honest convictions, and stay strong. - William Thackeray

The bottom line, especially for my character,
is the issue of unconditional love.”
Matthew Weeden

dance of joy
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Post by dance of joy » February 12, 2007, 8:01 am

Amen to that beautiful wisdom by Audre Lorde. Thanks for bringing it back to my attention, Lion. I will print it out and post it on my wall. It is just what I needed!

Love,

Christine :)
Wisdom tells me I am nothing.
Love tells me I am everything.
And between the two, my life flows.

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Hollyberry
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Post by Hollyberry » February 28, 2007, 8:46 am

Pierre,

Congratulations! What a great inspirational story. This reminds me of a quote I have at work. "Remember, anything worth having is worth working for." I don't know who wrote it but I think it is very wise.
Good luck on your dream and remember to take care of yourself along the way.
Thanks for sharing.

Peace,

Holly :)
"Where there is great love, there are always miracles."

~Willa Cather

frieda
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Post by frieda » March 28, 2007, 11:43 am

Pierre,
Thanks for sharing your inspirational story. In persian, there is a saying that goes like this: First you have to "want" it so bad.

May God continue to bless you. :D:

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