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Prayer made of Teardrops

Beautiful stories written by YOU about a person or event that changed your life, gave you hope, made you dream...
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Tired_but_trying
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Post by Tired_but_trying » November 24, 2007, 9:01 am

If someone was to ask me what was my most life changing experience, I would have a hard time keeping tears back.

My life took a turn on April 30, 2002. I was ten, I'd been ten for eight days. I remeber what shirt I was wearing, the weather, and the look in my parents' eyes.

They told us that we had to move out of our $200,000 plus house because our life was getting too expensive. I didn't know it then, but theat was the begining of the rest of my life. I remember that the sun was still shining, I just couldn't see it because tears were blotting out my vision. I didn't totally break down, but, as the oldest child in my family, I knew that this wasn't anything good.

I didn't cry for a long time after that, I tried to be strong for my family. Partly because I was the oldest child; partly because I had blamed myself for this. I thought all of the expensive gifts could have prevented this, if I hadn't asked for so much.

For about one and a half years, we lived in someone elses home. I thought this was because we were homeless. I don't remember the exact date of the move, but we did eventually move. In a small, three bedroom apartment. I never have, and I don't think I will ever, consider that apartment home. Although I am thankful for this step up. Anyway, we have six people and one dog in our family.

About a year after we moved in, I started to notice how much I'd changed since 2002. Then, we had a shocker. My mom was admitted to the hospital because she hadn't slept enough. I remember her stuttering and repeating everything. It was the first time in a long time I'd really felt fear.

She had to stay at the hosptial for about a week. They analized her sleep patterns. In the end, they seemed to agree with the fact she hadn't slept enough. They prescribed her with some medicine, and that was the end of that.

Until my dad, a few months later, was arrested for drinking a driving. I had just about lost my trust for him. Sometime later, he was taken to the hospital for Pancreitus. Because he had been drinking. Just this year, it happened again. I went to see him at the hospital, to watch over my littlest sister. My brother and other sister had stayed home, creating excuses that I saw through.

I've been crying a lot more now. I feel so incredibly old for my age, I'm fifteen. I've been thinking, and praying. I've been crying out to God.

Through all of this, I had that nagging suspiscion that I'm not good enough. Then I read my favorite passage in the bible, Psalm 34:17-18. And I've realized something, and this is what it is: Life Vaccums for a reason. I said so in my Myspace blog...these are the exact words:

When life sucks the life out of you, like a vaccum sucks the dirt out of a carpet. the thing is, with out that suction the carpet would always be dirty. A daily vaccum cleaning is like those daily hurts. But those vaccums that use soap and water are like those life changing experiences, or something that hurst...a lot...like loosing the person you love, or your trust in someone, losing your spirit and hope, losing a house, or gaining something you hate like a deathly sickness. But the thing is, the carpet gets clean if you use the vaccum correctly.

This five year experience changed my life. During this time, I met people that love me for who I am, no matter what I do or say. They trust me and tell me everything becasue I understand their pain.

I realize that without this, I'd be and iggnorent, spoiled brat. But right now, I'm a strong, growing young woman that can look into someone's eyes and tell if they need a hug, or a smile and such.

I am now the girl God has yearned for me to be. And for this, I smile when I think of April 30, 2002.
'A gem cannot be perfected without friction, nor a person without trials"-Unknown

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ladybird
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Post by ladybird » November 24, 2007, 1:25 pm

Dear (((Tired but trying)))

Firstly its nice to meet a beautiful spirit such as yourself and I appreciate your inspirational story..my heart strings are truly tugged...thanx for sharing something so personal...welcome to the Peak!!

You have been blessed with Gods beautiful gift to have found your strength at such an early age and to know when someone else needs a hug, or a smile and such. As a sensitive women myself I think we can harness an amazing essence of intuition that runs very deep at times...

Brings to my mind the following I came across that made an impact and stuck with me...
...when things are bad be thankful that things could always be worse and when things are at their worst take comfort in the fact that things are so bad they can only improve...

love & blessings
ladybird luv
...Remember, without that uncomfortable bit of grit, the oyster would not produce those priceless pearls...
~ Anon
Sunshine surrounds the earth as love surrounds our souls. ~Amethyst Snow-Rivers

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Lion~*
Everything In Moderation
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Joined: February 2, 2004, 1:52 pm
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Post by Lion~* » November 24, 2007, 7:09 pm

I realize that without this, I'd be and ignorant, spoiled brat. But right now, I'm a strong, growing young woman that can look into someone's eyes and tell if they need a hug, or a smile and such.

Welcome dear ((Tired but trying))). You have learned a very powerful life lesson early on.... that what you go through makes you wiser, stronger and matures you in ways that no easy road can. But moreso, that what we endure in difficulties, for those who are empathetic ( not all are!) ... creates a 'knowing' and enables us to be the outreach others need in their times of trouble.

Thank you for sharing your life story. I felt very sad when I heard you say you blamed yourself. Unfortunately children have a way of taking on the responsibility for things that are NOT their responsibility. Being the eldest or wanting things... this did not create the situation your family came into. I hope you will/ have shed these misperceptions. Children are just NOT accountable for the outcome of adult choices or the unfortunate mishaps of life.

I hope you find a true solace for your soul here at the Peak.

This is my very favorite quote... I think you will appreciate it!


Drumsound rises on the air,
its throb, my heart.
A voice inside the beat says,
"I know you're tired, but come.
This is the way."
~Rumi


Love Lion~*MayYourFamilyBeRevitalizedPaw
Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart...William Wordsworth

Follow your honest convictions, and stay strong. - William Thackeray

The bottom line, especially for my character,
is the issue of unconditional love.”
Matthew Weeden

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summerrain
Beautiful Soul
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Joined: April 25, 2007, 1:55 pm
Location: las vegas
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Post by summerrain » November 25, 2007, 7:55 am

dearest tired but trying,

you my dear have been thru so much early on in life that some of us havent experienced what you have that are much older than you. i give you much credit and keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. keep your strength up and always believe that you are a strong rock.
you'd be suprised how sometimes in life that roles reverse and that our parents look at us for support rather than visa/versa. things have a strange way of happening & they do have have beautiful way of becoming strange miracles.
i hope you find much love, blessings, faith, and comfort here with us at the peak! ((((welcome))))), your apart of the ever growing family here! luv much love to you, summerrain
Life is like a coin,
You can spend it any way you wish,
but you can spend it only once"

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C
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Post by C » December 24, 2008, 6:52 am

Dearest one,
We cannot appreciate what we have until we have gone without it.
Health is taken for granted until we are sick.
Food- drink is taken for granted until we are hungry and thirsty and cannot receive.
Even clothes & shelter are not appreciated until one is cold and out in the weather.

Peace cannot be fully appreciated until you have lived without it.

Life is like a test in school, there are test questions that you get right and others that you get wrong. It isn't the end of the world- you just must see what you did wrong and look up the right answer for the next test....
However, this wasn't your test. --It was your parent's.

But you can certainly grow from seeing other's mistakes and take heart that you know that you won't make the same mistakes when it is your turn.

Also, I have gone through extreme challenges as well.
I do not wish to repeat my struggles, nor wish them upon anyone else,-- but, challenges can be blessings.
I have gained different perspectives, compassion and a depth that I would not have had I not gone through my challenges. Thus is why they are blessings.

You have gone through a lot at a young age, but if you can appreciate things now, know what NOT to do as an adult, and gain depth, than you can see your challenges as blessings in disguise......

Happiness isn't getting what you want, it is wanting what you already have....

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athange
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Post by athange » March 13, 2009, 7:53 am

Dear Tired but trying,

Loved your story, rather i would say ur life(spirit of life) so much, it's a true inspirational life.
This is my first post on this site so please forgive me, for my mistakes if any! :)
while reading you post the first thought that came to my mind was from this movie Rocky Balboa.Here is a dialogue between Rocky balboa[played by Sylvester Stallone] and his son, the situation in the movie is, rocky wants to fight a boxing match with the current champion and coz he is old; to fight his son is ambarassed as to what his friends and people will think......

Rocky Balboa: I'd hold you up to say to your mother, "this kid's gonna be the best kid in the world. This kid's gonna be somebody better than anybody I ever knew." And you grew up good and wonderful. It was great just watching you, every day was like a privilige. Then the time come for you to be your own man and take on the world, and you did. But somewhere along the line, you changed. You stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you're no good. And when things got hard, you started looking for something to blame, like a big shadow. Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you! You're better than that! I'm always gonna love you no matter what. No matter what happens. You're my son and you're my blood. You're the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, ya ain't gonna have a life. Don't forget to visit your mother.

Down the life when u will see back u'll definately be proud of urself how "u" stood against all odds and yeah It's all about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.
The world is "Just Awesome"

Yoron
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Post by Yoron » December 24, 2009, 2:05 pm

Look girl. you're brave.

Life is not a fight, it's there to be enjoyed. Sometimes it can take a really bad turn, like it did for you and your family, but life isn't there to make you cry. It just is, you hang in there and you try to do your best. I promise it will work out for you.

You got my word on that, someone will see you for what you are. And it may take time, so keep learning. Try to chose something ..you want.. and go for it.

Friends can come and go, but as long as you try it ain't over.
I believe in you.

Yoron.
I accept all comments, god or bad :)
As long as you don't 'troll' .

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