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Mandamus

They say a poem's not really a poem until you share it with someone else. And that's what this place is all about.
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shreveyboy
Fellow Traveler
Posts: 2
Joined: April 16, 2009, 2:05 am
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Post by shreveyboy » April 16, 2009, 2:12 am

I wrote this poem in thirty lines of heroic couplets and tried to keep the meter in iambic pentameter. Please let me know what you think about the diction, theme, whether the meter is force or wrong, and so forth.

They’re taking pictures of the man from God;
I dearly hope his cassock’s clean. For quod
A soul is he apart from common gent,
Whose halo better shimmer, never bent.
But what of all those wilful, wayward priests?
Do you suppose some are perverse like beasts,
And choose to swap their blood for wine and drink,
The same as you did switch your blood for ink?
You wrote to me great notes appearing true,
With trust, I thought of them without purlieus,
Particularly with all your willing words,
Which rose so high at night among the birds.
When once they circled ‘round my thoughts and head,
It’s now the priest who gives to me the bread,
And asks of me to drink the blood of Christ.
Alone before the house of God, enticed
I am to shed these old regrets and pain,
And I allow no more myself the strain:
But I knew not a side or part of you,
Except, alas, by writ and ink accrued.
The notes you left for me I shall not read;
Inside the text between the words you bleed.
And soon I will forget what ne’er was there,
Your words are now but ash and dust in air,
‘Tis all that’s left: The song I’ve sung from breath
Yet ceased. I breath to dodge and steer out death.
If you are born with love for wrote and writ,
My urge, alert, and message: Shun the wit,
And heed the heart of such who need not tears,
For letters don’t convey like voice to ears.

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