Reflections

fredcowie · Post by **fredcowie** » July 22, 2010, 1:39 pm

Refections

My son Christian would have been twenty-seven on July 21, 2010, had he lived, yet had he lived till today he would have passed from quality of life to mere quantity of life. He died like he lived, independently, without fanfare, on his own terms. “Dad, I can’t tell if I’m breathing” were his last words. His mother spoke to well wishers at the “Going Away Party” about how when most young people die folks say “and he had his whole life ahead of him,” while for Christian that was not true, for Christian had had his whole life behind him. He fed himself his last meal, no mean feat, and it was his favorite, his mother’s goulash. His last outing was the night before he died, and he was with his brother Jonathan. I was sitting hospice when he died unbeknownst to me, quietly, in his bed, while I and one of his friends and caregivers sat talking of him at his kitchen table. I miss him, so much, but I am not sad he is gone, for he had ran out of breath, ran out of life. His mother went on a long planned trip to Ghana, his brother went back to work, and I cleaned out his apartment, gave away his durable medical equipment, and await a new life. I am like a human GPS receiver who has permanently lost one of his three satellites and must learn to navigate with just two, knowing that the other two satellites are doing the same. Thank you for all of your cards, calls and e-mails. I am writing, reading, painting and am grieving well. Peace! Fred

Sparky · Post by **Sparky** » July 22, 2010, 1:42 pm

Bless you for posting this ((((Fred)))) and giving us a chance to put our virtual, collective arms around you. You are a precious soul and you are loved and appreciated here. Thank you again.

Your friend,
Barbie

Lion~* · Post by Lion~* » July 23, 2010, 12:35 am

(((((Fred)))) It couldn't be easy to share all this... nor to hold it within alone! Thank you for allowing us to hear you and enfold you with tender caring love! xo

Muchoki · Post by **Muchoki** » August 12, 2010, 6:27 am

Fred - Thanks for sharing this. It's a lovely piece and thanks for allowing us a glimpse into the life of your son.

Morning Bear · Post by **Morning Bear** » August 17, 2010, 6:55 pm

Dear Fred,
I know I don't come here often enough because I miss events in my friends lives like this.
I see that it occurred the very same weekend my son was returning home from Kosovo and my life has been a constant whirling dirvish since that point, but at last I finally slowed down enough to see that your life has probably been quite slow since that date.

I am glad that you can acknowledge your son lived a full life and I am glad that you shared your thoughts and feelings with us because it gives us a chance to share with you and lift away some of the burden, if only through our sincere sympathy and our thoughts.
We love you Fred...you are a part of us, and I extend my deepest sympathies as you continue your life's journey and my smile will be awaiting your smile when you come up out of the valley and wash away the dust of sadness to continue on your path.
Thank you for being a part of us dear friend...My heart grieves for your loss and my thoughts reach to console you.
Blessings

Zane

Laura Sue · Post by **Laura Sue** » August 19, 2010, 10:10 pm

Dear Fred,

I've been absent from IP for awhile, but very grateful to read your words. I grieve with you. Most gentle hugs, Laura

Pollie · Post by **Pollie** » August 29, 2010, 7:01 pm

((((((((Dearest Fred)))))))))

I can only say that I am truly, truly sorry for your loss. I am sorry I have taken so long to send you my love and prayers as you strive to find a different life. I don't get in here much, don't do a lot of anything anymore. But please know that as the sun begins to shine in the morning and the moon begins to glow at night, while I am in prayer, you and your family will be on my lips and in my heart. I am uplifted by your sense of understanding and peace. Thank you for sharing this.

Love Pollie

Liebestraum · Post by **Liebestraum** » September 3, 2010, 3:18 pm

(((((((((Fred))))))))

I think you have carried the burden of this terrible illness of your dear son Christian with immense love and dignity. And you were aware of the short span of life granted him. It is enough to lose one's mind, but you have found relief in creativity.

"Dad I can't tell if I am breathing" ... he inhaled love then and moved on ... this is so tremendously touching and brings tears.

May you forgive me for not knowing, for not being around, but know you were in my prayers always.

Love and hugs.
Margherita

Reflections

Who is online